I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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