I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
