I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
