i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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