She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
