Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pooping to opera.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
