I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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