Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
