I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
