I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
