I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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