Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
