I just cut my nipple shaving
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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