Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
