I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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