State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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