did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found your dick twin last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
