I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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