i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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