The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
