38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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