Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
barbara walters just said penis...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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