it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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