All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
