And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
