apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
