garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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