i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
