PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
