party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
