who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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