So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
