I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
