New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
