i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
