I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
