Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
