She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
