i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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