i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
