i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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