I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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