sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
