life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
