I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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