Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
