Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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