the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
