I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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