I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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